Today, I am a bad Mother. I am very seriously considering NOT getting the requisite picture of my offspring in Santa Claus's lap. She won't care now...but will this make it into her memoirs at 50? Will it be brought up in her therapist's office at 30? Will it be the subject of her college essay at 18? How soon can this come back to haunt me?
Maya, in the event that you ever read this, let me lay out my reasons for you:
1. You are 4 months old, and I can't imagine you're waiting in eager anticipation to be put on a complete stranger's lap, an old man in a furry red suit at that, when it's hard enough to get you perfectly posed for a picture in a family member's lap
2. We Ferkingbeals are somewhat counter-cultural in that we don't send out Christmas cards, so I don't have any way to distribute said picture to the masses except Facebook. And we're still trying to keep your beautiful face from being too widely distributed via Facebook, though it's becoming increasingly difficult since you're so dang cute
3. Santa seems to hang out primarily at malls, and I have a somewhat illogical but strong fear of parking lots. Also, Bad Santa ruined the Mall Santa concept for your Dad.
I will check and see if Santa will be a Macy's downtown or on Fountain Square (or anywhere I can parallel park without driving through a lot)and reconsider our trip. In fact, Keith told us last night he heard Santa had been at Meijer up on Ridge. For some reason, I can do that.
4. I hate to see you cry. And I'm truly afraid you would if I sat you on an old man you've never met's lap.
So for now, those are my reasons. However, we have 3 more days of Santa Claus, so perhaps I will cave. If you find a picture of you with Santa Claus in your baby book in 20 years (first I have would have to start the baby book-- yikes! bad mom strikes again!), you'll know I couldn't go through with it.
Just please don't copy this post into your tell-all book in 25 years.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
21st Century Work Efficiency
Ever since our daughter has reached the age of 16 weeks, I've settled nicely into a schedule of working in the office on Mondays and Fridays and out of my home office on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays (I'm hoping to add Wednesdays to my "in office days" sometime in 2010!). It's worked out nicely, because by Friday I'm usually itching to get back to my office in which I can't wear pajamas without being judged and coworkers who will convince me to go out to eat at tasty restaurants with questionable nutritional value. So it's been a pleasant, somewhat-modern arrangement that has suited me.
Correction: it has suited me when times are busy. Today, December 21st, is a Monday, and thus I am in the office. Unfortunately, almost no one else is. That's because most of my coworkers have the foresight to save the required number of vacation days for this un-busy season. We work in Market Research. NO ONE conducts research during the holidays. More specifically, we work in Market Research primarily for Radio Stations. Many of our clients are playing Christmas Music 24/7 at this time of year, so it would be ludicrous to ask consumers how they feel about the Music Mix or the overall packaging of their favorite stations at this time of year. Instead, I am in the office...blogging.
Yes, I could send out an "I'm working from home" email today. But frankly, I work from home enough. And working from home would just have me tethered to my computer up in my home office, surfing the web, wishing someone would send me something to do, afraid to run downstairs and wrap Christmas gifts for fear that THAT would be the moment at which someone would IM me with an urgent crisis from the work-front. (Of course, I have the AIM app on my iPhone, so this fear, like most of my fears, is unfounded) Or while I'm a slave to said computer, trying diligantly to make sure I'm not making a vacation day from a work-at-home day, my husband would be pleading with me to watch our daughter while he attempts to drywall our basement or rearranges the bar or works whatever other magic he's working to make it a liveable space, a playroom for Maya, instead of a dungeon with a homemade bar where our friends spill gallons of beer in flip-cup tournaments each year.
What I'm wondering is why the American business system hasn't evolved to the point at which we all can be cut loose on a day like today, or any other day when there's just nothing happening on the work-front, and just go do what we'd like. We all have phones. With email. And AIM. My entire world exists in a 5-mile radius of downtown Cincinnati. I rarely venture far from home. If someone did call and need something, I could be back relatively quickly to take care of it. Why is it that all American jobs don't work on a "you just need to be working when something needs to be done" basis? Wouldn't we all, in theory, work more efficiently?
I can see jobs for which this wouldn't work. Customer service reps, who need to be available at a phone station from 8am to 5pm regardless of whether customers are actually calling on that particular day. Salespeople who, in taking off extra time from work, would likely be cutting out potential new sales for the company (however, they are compensated appropriately, based on their sales numbers, so economic theory would suggest they'd still be out there, working hard to secure business for us all!) But for a job like mine, where the research just needs to be conducted and the report written and presented in whatever time frame suits the client, the 9 to 5 life just seems a little too 20th century.
So maybe I'll go home for lunch. But I won't linger, because I'm feeling really tied to being available during the hours carved out for me to be in the office. Maybe next year during our un-busy season I'll have a different, more rational, more 21st century approach. Maybe I can drag more American companies with me on that approach, to make a more efficient shopping and working season for us all. After all, it's to our economy's advantage, right? If I weren't here, certainly I'd be out with the husband and kiddo, spending money on last-minute Christmas gifts, using my non-busy season to create someone else's busy one.
Correction: it has suited me when times are busy. Today, December 21st, is a Monday, and thus I am in the office. Unfortunately, almost no one else is. That's because most of my coworkers have the foresight to save the required number of vacation days for this un-busy season. We work in Market Research. NO ONE conducts research during the holidays. More specifically, we work in Market Research primarily for Radio Stations. Many of our clients are playing Christmas Music 24/7 at this time of year, so it would be ludicrous to ask consumers how they feel about the Music Mix or the overall packaging of their favorite stations at this time of year. Instead, I am in the office...blogging.
Yes, I could send out an "I'm working from home" email today. But frankly, I work from home enough. And working from home would just have me tethered to my computer up in my home office, surfing the web, wishing someone would send me something to do, afraid to run downstairs and wrap Christmas gifts for fear that THAT would be the moment at which someone would IM me with an urgent crisis from the work-front. (Of course, I have the AIM app on my iPhone, so this fear, like most of my fears, is unfounded) Or while I'm a slave to said computer, trying diligantly to make sure I'm not making a vacation day from a work-at-home day, my husband would be pleading with me to watch our daughter while he attempts to drywall our basement or rearranges the bar or works whatever other magic he's working to make it a liveable space, a playroom for Maya, instead of a dungeon with a homemade bar where our friends spill gallons of beer in flip-cup tournaments each year.
What I'm wondering is why the American business system hasn't evolved to the point at which we all can be cut loose on a day like today, or any other day when there's just nothing happening on the work-front, and just go do what we'd like. We all have phones. With email. And AIM. My entire world exists in a 5-mile radius of downtown Cincinnati. I rarely venture far from home. If someone did call and need something, I could be back relatively quickly to take care of it. Why is it that all American jobs don't work on a "you just need to be working when something needs to be done" basis? Wouldn't we all, in theory, work more efficiently?
I can see jobs for which this wouldn't work. Customer service reps, who need to be available at a phone station from 8am to 5pm regardless of whether customers are actually calling on that particular day. Salespeople who, in taking off extra time from work, would likely be cutting out potential new sales for the company (however, they are compensated appropriately, based on their sales numbers, so economic theory would suggest they'd still be out there, working hard to secure business for us all!) But for a job like mine, where the research just needs to be conducted and the report written and presented in whatever time frame suits the client, the 9 to 5 life just seems a little too 20th century.
So maybe I'll go home for lunch. But I won't linger, because I'm feeling really tied to being available during the hours carved out for me to be in the office. Maybe next year during our un-busy season I'll have a different, more rational, more 21st century approach. Maybe I can drag more American companies with me on that approach, to make a more efficient shopping and working season for us all. After all, it's to our economy's advantage, right? If I weren't here, certainly I'd be out with the husband and kiddo, spending money on last-minute Christmas gifts, using my non-busy season to create someone else's busy one.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
IT'S HERE!!!!!!
Christmas came 6 days early to the Ferkingbeal family. The Fed-Ex man arrived early on in the XU vs. Butler game with a present that reduced Chad to a squealing small child:
Saturday, December 19, 2009
SNOW!
There's a light dusting of snow in Cincinnati, OH today, which means the city is paralyzed in fear. Most people are staying cooped up at home, making french toast, I assume (that's an old joke from a former boss of mine, who said he could only imagine everyone makes french toast when it snows, since they all rush to the grocery store to buy milk, bread, and eggs).
Our TV, however, MAY be on its way! Though the Fed-Ex tracking number still has it en route to Clinton Twnshp, MI, the "details" say it's at the "local" Fed-Ex location in Independence, KY, about to go out for delivery. This could be it!!! Cross your fingers!!!
Our TV, however, MAY be on its way! Though the Fed-Ex tracking number still has it en route to Clinton Twnshp, MI, the "details" say it's at the "local" Fed-Ex location in Independence, KY, about to go out for delivery. This could be it!!! Cross your fingers!!!
Friday, December 18, 2009
We're on Candid Camera!
Today is Friday, and I still do not have a TV.
Since I'm in the office, and my husband is at home trying to coax our daughter into actually taking a bottle, I am harboring secret hopes that it will magically appear on our doorstep while I'm gone. Perhaps the Fed-Ex fairy will leave it.
This is extraordinarily unlikely, however, given that I just logged onto Fed-Ex's website and entered my tracking number, only to discover that the item associated with this tracking number is now en route to Clinton Twnshp, MI. I don't know where that is, but I can guarantee that it's a minimum of 230 miles from Cincinnati, OH.
Mr. VP assures me that I WILL receive my Television. He says I won't be able to track it. It's untrackable using Fed-Ex's current system. Do you hear that? Our TV is off the grid. If I were having something illegal delivered, Sam's Club and their mystery branch of Fed-Ex would be the way to go. I ask Mr. VP when I'll have my TV, and he says Saturday. Or maybe Monday. I ask him if he can guarantee that. He says he doesn't like to use such strong words as guarantee.
Chad and I think we're on candid camera. Or perhaps the 21st century equivalent: a reality television program. If we're on a reality TV show, I hope you are all enjoying watching this. Now I know how Jim Carey's character felt in The Truman Show.
Since I'm in the office, and my husband is at home trying to coax our daughter into actually taking a bottle, I am harboring secret hopes that it will magically appear on our doorstep while I'm gone. Perhaps the Fed-Ex fairy will leave it.
This is extraordinarily unlikely, however, given that I just logged onto Fed-Ex's website and entered my tracking number, only to discover that the item associated with this tracking number is now en route to Clinton Twnshp, MI. I don't know where that is, but I can guarantee that it's a minimum of 230 miles from Cincinnati, OH.
Mr. VP assures me that I WILL receive my Television. He says I won't be able to track it. It's untrackable using Fed-Ex's current system. Do you hear that? Our TV is off the grid. If I were having something illegal delivered, Sam's Club and their mystery branch of Fed-Ex would be the way to go. I ask Mr. VP when I'll have my TV, and he says Saturday. Or maybe Monday. I ask him if he can guarantee that. He says he doesn't like to use such strong words as guarantee.
Chad and I think we're on candid camera. Or perhaps the 21st century equivalent: a reality television program. If we're on a reality TV show, I hope you are all enjoying watching this. Now I know how Jim Carey's character felt in The Truman Show.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Ramundo's Challenge, HERE WE COME!
We have found an area in which our child is TRULY gifted: Eating!!! Today she had her first bites of rice cereal. I believe we're just a few short weeks of training shy of the Ramundo's Challenge. Here she is, taking her first bites.
Post-Pregnancy Brain
I braved the horrendous Christmas traffic and went to the store for rice cereal, since little Miss M is finally big enough to take a taste.
Came back with: silk tights for me, a Christmas present from baby M to Dad, diapers, hand soap, body wash...
AND NO CEREAL.
Came back with: silk tights for me, a Christmas present from baby M to Dad, diapers, hand soap, body wash...
AND NO CEREAL.
Customer Service
Yes, I swore I would never blog about my gloriously average Midwestern life. I also swore I'd never wear capri pants or 3/4 length shirts, eat anything made with mayonnaise, or have children. And we all know how well I stuck with those promises. Get over it.
The name of this blog isn't supposed to connote some sort of pessimism about taking on adult responsibilities; it's meant to be tongue-in-cheek. Growing old is relatively fabulous, and taking on adult responsibilities has afforded me experiences I'd never otherwise dream of, such as globe-trotting with the man of my dreams, hosting flip-cup parties into the wee hours of the night in the basement of our dream home, and raising my mini-me. Life is good. Grand. Wonderful.
And yet lately, my husband and I have been having a few minor blips on the radar of Wonderfulland. REALLY minor blips. I'm talking about the fact that suddenly EVERYONE with whom we deal seems to be terrible at their jobs.
This would have come as a surprise to 22-year-old us, since we were petrified to enter the job market. "How do people know what to DO all day," we asked? It seemed like it must be so hard to make business decisions and make a company go. Now we see that there are plenty of people who don't know what they're doing, and while that would have been reassuring to 22-year old me, it's kind of frustrating to 28-year old me.
THE TOILET
It all began with "the incident in the basement." We had a sewage back-up, so there was (quite literally) crap all over our basement. Upon reading several glowing reviews for our local Roto-Rooter, my dear husband called them to come and clean up the mess, fix the basement toilet, do whatever was necessary to keep our house from smelling like the big building we affectionately called "The Poop Plant" when we were little.
10am: The first technician cleared the clog, but told us that he couldn't legally clean up anything that came OUT of the toilet. That seemed strange, because we thought we were paying him $400 so we wouldn't have to be the ones to wash the raw sewage off the floor! However, we paid him and he left, but not without telling us that he was sending out a free camera technician to see if he could find any other faults in our line!!
3pm: Camera man came out and took our toilet out of the basement bathroom, randomly placed it in the middle of the basement, told us it was broken and that he couldn't fix it without another $200 and told us he couldn't do our "free" camera search without $2,400, a jackhammer, and 6 hours of drilling the cement floor out of our basement. We asked him to leave. However, we now had a toilet in several pieces strewn about on the basement floor, still covered in sewage.
5pm: My husband called Roto-Rooter corporate, and told them our house was now in significantly worse shape than before we called them. They promised to send someone out to clean up the mess within 2 hours.
8pm: Still no sign of our clean-up guy. Husband calls Roto-Rooter again. They say "Oh, we didn't know you wanted someone TONIGHT!" We tell them that even our 3rd floor bedrooms reek of sewage now. They say a technician is on his way.
9pm: Said technician arrives, and cleans up the mess reasonably well. He then charges us another $200. We pay it, too exhausted to continue to argue.
Next day: Basement still smells. We buy lots of bleach and chemical products we normally wouldn't approve us and toss them on the floor. We also discover the toilet isn't broken after all.
In retrospect, this is funny. But it occurred simultaneously with terrible customer service incident #2:
THE TV
My poor Dad. All he wants to do is get Chad and me the ultimate birthday presents. Since both of our birthdays fall within a month of Christmas, and since he goes a little overboard on Christmas, it's hard for him to spend 3 straight months coming up with ideas for us. So this year, for BOTH of our birthdays and a Christmas present, he decided to usher us into the 21st century (about 10 years late on our part) by buying us a nice, flat-screen LCD TV. So a few days before Thanksgiving, we logged into Samsclub.com with his membership number and ordered one. The friendly email confirmation assured us it would arrive before my birthday.
One week later, our TV hadn't shipped. 2 weeks, no word. My Dad began frantically trying to call and email Sam's Club customer service. They're extraordinarily difficult to reach, but finally he got someone on the line who told him it had shipped that day. The next day he got a call from another rep, saying it had NOT shipped. The first rep had told him it had because she was afraid he'd get mad if she told the truth.
This back and forth went on for a few days until my Dad remembered we had a family friend who had called on Wal-Mart/Sam's Club corporate in Bentonville, Arkansas during his tenure with Graco. We were able to get a phone number for the Vice President of Supply Chain Management. He was apologetic, issued us a Fed-Ex tracking number at once, and told us the TV would ship immediately.
The tracking number said it would arrive on Tuesday; we were ecstatic. Tuesday, however, came and went, and there was no TV. The tracking number said it had been delivered...to Sacramento.
Back on the phone with Mr. VP, he tells us that Fed-Ex issued the same tracking number to 2 items. The first had been successfully delivered to Sacramento. Our TV had been "lost on the road." Oh, and there were no more of this particular model to be had, so he couldn't get us another one.
At VP's urging, we ordered another model, this one bigger and with more bells and whistles (he covered the additional cost). He assured us it shipped yesterday. Today, however, when I checked the tracking number, it said that item was going to Grand Rapids, Michigan!
Back on the phone with Mr. VP. He tells me they are still having trouble with Fed-Ex, but assures me this TV actually shipped.
I'm still waiting! Any bets on whether we'll see it before 2011?
Such a minor issue. My husband and I are so fortunate to have each other. A beautiful daughter. Delicious, well-prepared, food on the table each night. A warm house to block out the cold Midwestern weather. Make that a warm house that is a mere 3 blocks from Graeter's ice cream and the rest of the delicies on Hyde Park Square. A deli across the street we can run to on days I'm too tired to make lunch.
And I'm not so perfect myself. Today I discovered I had bounced a check...to the President of my company. How embarrassing! I would love to have a really good, technical excuse, but as much as I love my Fidelity checking account, it turns out I just plain didn't know how to use it and all its fancy features.
On that note, I'm off to continue my tireless work to rebuild the American economy in this slump. It's time to go shopping.
Merry Christmas season to all!
The name of this blog isn't supposed to connote some sort of pessimism about taking on adult responsibilities; it's meant to be tongue-in-cheek. Growing old is relatively fabulous, and taking on adult responsibilities has afforded me experiences I'd never otherwise dream of, such as globe-trotting with the man of my dreams, hosting flip-cup parties into the wee hours of the night in the basement of our dream home, and raising my mini-me. Life is good. Grand. Wonderful.
And yet lately, my husband and I have been having a few minor blips on the radar of Wonderfulland. REALLY minor blips. I'm talking about the fact that suddenly EVERYONE with whom we deal seems to be terrible at their jobs.
This would have come as a surprise to 22-year-old us, since we were petrified to enter the job market. "How do people know what to DO all day," we asked? It seemed like it must be so hard to make business decisions and make a company go. Now we see that there are plenty of people who don't know what they're doing, and while that would have been reassuring to 22-year old me, it's kind of frustrating to 28-year old me.
THE TOILET
It all began with "the incident in the basement." We had a sewage back-up, so there was (quite literally) crap all over our basement. Upon reading several glowing reviews for our local Roto-Rooter, my dear husband called them to come and clean up the mess, fix the basement toilet, do whatever was necessary to keep our house from smelling like the big building we affectionately called "The Poop Plant" when we were little.
10am: The first technician cleared the clog, but told us that he couldn't legally clean up anything that came OUT of the toilet. That seemed strange, because we thought we were paying him $400 so we wouldn't have to be the ones to wash the raw sewage off the floor! However, we paid him and he left, but not without telling us that he was sending out a free camera technician to see if he could find any other faults in our line!!
3pm: Camera man came out and took our toilet out of the basement bathroom, randomly placed it in the middle of the basement, told us it was broken and that he couldn't fix it without another $200 and told us he couldn't do our "free" camera search without $2,400, a jackhammer, and 6 hours of drilling the cement floor out of our basement. We asked him to leave. However, we now had a toilet in several pieces strewn about on the basement floor, still covered in sewage.
5pm: My husband called Roto-Rooter corporate, and told them our house was now in significantly worse shape than before we called them. They promised to send someone out to clean up the mess within 2 hours.
8pm: Still no sign of our clean-up guy. Husband calls Roto-Rooter again. They say "Oh, we didn't know you wanted someone TONIGHT!" We tell them that even our 3rd floor bedrooms reek of sewage now. They say a technician is on his way.
9pm: Said technician arrives, and cleans up the mess reasonably well. He then charges us another $200. We pay it, too exhausted to continue to argue.
Next day: Basement still smells. We buy lots of bleach and chemical products we normally wouldn't approve us and toss them on the floor. We also discover the toilet isn't broken after all.
In retrospect, this is funny. But it occurred simultaneously with terrible customer service incident #2:
THE TV
My poor Dad. All he wants to do is get Chad and me the ultimate birthday presents. Since both of our birthdays fall within a month of Christmas, and since he goes a little overboard on Christmas, it's hard for him to spend 3 straight months coming up with ideas for us. So this year, for BOTH of our birthdays and a Christmas present, he decided to usher us into the 21st century (about 10 years late on our part) by buying us a nice, flat-screen LCD TV. So a few days before Thanksgiving, we logged into Samsclub.com with his membership number and ordered one. The friendly email confirmation assured us it would arrive before my birthday.
One week later, our TV hadn't shipped. 2 weeks, no word. My Dad began frantically trying to call and email Sam's Club customer service. They're extraordinarily difficult to reach, but finally he got someone on the line who told him it had shipped that day. The next day he got a call from another rep, saying it had NOT shipped. The first rep had told him it had because she was afraid he'd get mad if she told the truth.
This back and forth went on for a few days until my Dad remembered we had a family friend who had called on Wal-Mart/Sam's Club corporate in Bentonville, Arkansas during his tenure with Graco. We were able to get a phone number for the Vice President of Supply Chain Management. He was apologetic, issued us a Fed-Ex tracking number at once, and told us the TV would ship immediately.
The tracking number said it would arrive on Tuesday; we were ecstatic. Tuesday, however, came and went, and there was no TV. The tracking number said it had been delivered...to Sacramento.
Back on the phone with Mr. VP, he tells us that Fed-Ex issued the same tracking number to 2 items. The first had been successfully delivered to Sacramento. Our TV had been "lost on the road." Oh, and there were no more of this particular model to be had, so he couldn't get us another one.
At VP's urging, we ordered another model, this one bigger and with more bells and whistles (he covered the additional cost). He assured us it shipped yesterday. Today, however, when I checked the tracking number, it said that item was going to Grand Rapids, Michigan!
Back on the phone with Mr. VP. He tells me they are still having trouble with Fed-Ex, but assures me this TV actually shipped.
I'm still waiting! Any bets on whether we'll see it before 2011?
Such a minor issue. My husband and I are so fortunate to have each other. A beautiful daughter. Delicious, well-prepared, food on the table each night. A warm house to block out the cold Midwestern weather. Make that a warm house that is a mere 3 blocks from Graeter's ice cream and the rest of the delicies on Hyde Park Square. A deli across the street we can run to on days I'm too tired to make lunch.
And I'm not so perfect myself. Today I discovered I had bounced a check...to the President of my company. How embarrassing! I would love to have a really good, technical excuse, but as much as I love my Fidelity checking account, it turns out I just plain didn't know how to use it and all its fancy features.
On that note, I'm off to continue my tireless work to rebuild the American economy in this slump. It's time to go shopping.
Merry Christmas season to all!
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