Ted Haggard, former evangelical rockstar pastor and unwitting star of Jesus Camp, one of my favorite documentaries, has announced that, with the help of therapy, he's cured of his homosexual urges. As remarkable as that would be, what I find most astounding (or disturbing?) is that his wife remained by his side through this ordeal. That may be a testement to true love. It may also be because she got a book deal out of it. Regardless of her reasons, this woman has been on one heck of a ride for the past 4 years.
What really strikes me about the whole thing is how truly sane she sounds in many of her interviews. This is a woman the media should be ripping to shreds. I can honestly say that were I to interview her, I'd go one of two routes:
1. Portray her as a sneaky, underhanded scam-artist, who, along with her husband, ran a mega-church soley for profit, uging the congregation to adhere to a strict moral code above which they deemed themselves,
OR
2. Portray her as an old-fashioned, submissive, clueless wife who couldn't string together a proper sentence to defend her husband
Though bloggers who actually watched the Today Show say she hasn't budged on her belief that homosexuality can be conditioned, I'm faintly impressed that she managed to say that therapy just worked for her husband, and everyone is different.
She's not the next Faulkner, but her book excerpt wasn't quite as painful as I expected it to be. She isn't nearly as terrible as Stephanie Meyer, who we all know hasn't had any trouble moving books off the shelves.
What's most unsettling to me about this is that this is a woman for whom I can feel pity. And while I understand that many of the details are fabricated to cast the family in a better light, I believe that some part of her is genuine.
Her husband has always been the public face, and he's always exuded sleaze to me. Watching him try to sell his audience on Jesus in Jesus Camp was like sitting through an overly-enthusiastic pitch for a Multi-Level Marketing pyramid scheme. I've never wanted any part of his hypocritical church, and he was one of the defining factors in my decision to give up mocking high-profile evangelical Christians for Lent the past few years.
But she is different. It seems as if she understands that their church wasn't using realistic standards. That it was setting people up to be hypocrites. That it was presenting a different moral code for the sheep than for the shepherd.
It turns out that I kind of like the woman behind the man I love to hate.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
How I Know I'm Not Cool (Or: What's With These Youngsters and Their Music Nowadays?")
This morning, I discovered what a crotchety old woman I am. I am the female equivalent of the old guy yelling "Hey you kids! Get off of my fence!" I am a mere year or two away from telling stories that involve me walking barefoot through the snow to and from school, contrary to the laws of physics, uphill both ways. At the very least, I am terminally unhip in my musical tastes, which is slightly problematic for someone whose main gig is radio.
Of course, my taste in music was never REALLY cutting-edge. In my Middle School days, there were really 2 stations to which the residents of Hudson, OH listened: Jamn 92.3 and Q104. I spent most of my 6th through 8th grade career PRETENDING to listen to Jamn 92.3, which played the mildly rhythmic predecessor to today's considerably more Hip-Hop and R&B oriented pop music, often quickly switching my dial back to it when someone else entered the room, while secretly listening to Q104, a Mainstream AC that played "Mom Music" (think Amy Grant, 80s replays, Rod Stewart, and the like). We kept both stations on the presets for our cars, but always under the ruse that Q104 was there for Mom, while Jamn 92.3 was there for Ash and me.
And today, 14 years later, at twice the age I was when I exited Middle School, here are the pre-sets on my Sirius Satellite Radio:
1. NFL Radio
Like a 45-year old Man, I listen to this religiously throughout the season, even after the Bengals have blown it. Rich and Adam are totally my morning guys.
2. Sirius Hits Radio
I would like to say I keep this because I like the music, but I don't. Or that it's because I'm nice and want to play hit music for others who ride in my car, but I don't; I force them to listen to JamOn or the Coffee House, or even Classic Rewind. No, it's there as a placeholder, because it's Station 1, and will take me back to the beginning, where the era-based channels are, and where the seasonal music is. I can scroll up from there. It's this station that caused my particular problem this morning.
3. The Coffee House
Acoustic Rock by singer/songwriters, often performed Live or written exclusively for the station. Music that sounds like it would be best enjoyed accompanied by a very specific type of herbal refreshment.
4. Classic Rewind
Classic Rock, which is now defined as the 80s music I grew up with. Another sign I'm getting old.
5. Lithium
Plays the 90's Alternative that was cool when I was in Middle School, like the Presidents of the United States of America and Offspring. Makes me want to put on a flannel shirt (worn open over a t-shirt, of course!)
6. Jam On
Songs by Phish, String Cheese Incident, Tea Leaf Green, and others that I can definitively say are written to be enjoyed while one is high, or when one is my husband. I love a good Trey Anastasio song as much as the next person, but even I can't tolerate a 30-minute jam session by Moe.
7. CNN News
8. Radio Sinatra
Because I am indeed old
9. Bluesville
See previous comment and recurring theme
0.(There is no "10") New Country
Because Tim McGraw is still my homeboy, despite that fact that I've kind of shunned post-9/11 Country Music
Now I generally don't actually land on pre-set 2 for long periods of time. But today, I actually thought to myself "hmmm, let's see what the kids are listening to these days!" as I pressed the number 2 on my receiver. As the new Timberland song came on, I immediately thought "I don't like this." I listened to 2 additional songs, and crankily decided that I didn't really enjoy them, either. It wasn't a huge surprise. I generally cringe when I test hooks for Rhythmic CHR stations at work. But I forgot how painful it can be to listen to the whole song.
Images flashed through my head of my Dad blaring 60's bubble-gum pop as he drove us to basketball/softball/field hockey/lacrosse/Indian Princess/anywhere that involved him embarrassing our friends with his music. I am going to be that uncool to my own kid. In fact, by the time she's ready for college, this stuff that I'm already too old and cranky to like will be considered oldies. I can't even imagine what I'll think of the next generation's Pop Music.
It's the number one sign that I'm aging. Or that I was never cool in the first place.
Of course, my taste in music was never REALLY cutting-edge. In my Middle School days, there were really 2 stations to which the residents of Hudson, OH listened: Jamn 92.3 and Q104. I spent most of my 6th through 8th grade career PRETENDING to listen to Jamn 92.3, which played the mildly rhythmic predecessor to today's considerably more Hip-Hop and R&B oriented pop music, often quickly switching my dial back to it when someone else entered the room, while secretly listening to Q104, a Mainstream AC that played "Mom Music" (think Amy Grant, 80s replays, Rod Stewart, and the like). We kept both stations on the presets for our cars, but always under the ruse that Q104 was there for Mom, while Jamn 92.3 was there for Ash and me.
And today, 14 years later, at twice the age I was when I exited Middle School, here are the pre-sets on my Sirius Satellite Radio:
1. NFL Radio
Like a 45-year old Man, I listen to this religiously throughout the season, even after the Bengals have blown it. Rich and Adam are totally my morning guys.
2. Sirius Hits Radio
I would like to say I keep this because I like the music, but I don't. Or that it's because I'm nice and want to play hit music for others who ride in my car, but I don't; I force them to listen to JamOn or the Coffee House, or even Classic Rewind. No, it's there as a placeholder, because it's Station 1, and will take me back to the beginning, where the era-based channels are, and where the seasonal music is. I can scroll up from there. It's this station that caused my particular problem this morning.
3. The Coffee House
Acoustic Rock by singer/songwriters, often performed Live or written exclusively for the station. Music that sounds like it would be best enjoyed accompanied by a very specific type of herbal refreshment.
4. Classic Rewind
Classic Rock, which is now defined as the 80s music I grew up with. Another sign I'm getting old.
5. Lithium
Plays the 90's Alternative that was cool when I was in Middle School, like the Presidents of the United States of America and Offspring. Makes me want to put on a flannel shirt (worn open over a t-shirt, of course!)
6. Jam On
Songs by Phish, String Cheese Incident, Tea Leaf Green, and others that I can definitively say are written to be enjoyed while one is high, or when one is my husband. I love a good Trey Anastasio song as much as the next person, but even I can't tolerate a 30-minute jam session by Moe.
7. CNN News
8. Radio Sinatra
Because I am indeed old
9. Bluesville
See previous comment and recurring theme
0.(There is no "10") New Country
Because Tim McGraw is still my homeboy, despite that fact that I've kind of shunned post-9/11 Country Music
Now I generally don't actually land on pre-set 2 for long periods of time. But today, I actually thought to myself "hmmm, let's see what the kids are listening to these days!" as I pressed the number 2 on my receiver. As the new Timberland song came on, I immediately thought "I don't like this." I listened to 2 additional songs, and crankily decided that I didn't really enjoy them, either. It wasn't a huge surprise. I generally cringe when I test hooks for Rhythmic CHR stations at work. But I forgot how painful it can be to listen to the whole song.
Images flashed through my head of my Dad blaring 60's bubble-gum pop as he drove us to basketball/softball/field hockey/lacrosse/Indian Princess/anywhere that involved him embarrassing our friends with his music. I am going to be that uncool to my own kid. In fact, by the time she's ready for college, this stuff that I'm already too old and cranky to like will be considered oldies. I can't even imagine what I'll think of the next generation's Pop Music.
It's the number one sign that I'm aging. Or that I was never cool in the first place.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Those Januaray Doldrums
My, what a busy few weeks it has been!
I apologize to my loyal reader, Joe, who has been hounding me about my lack of posts. Had I known I had a loyal reader, I assure you I would have continued to spew out content, no matter how trivial, to give you a better start to long days in the Kroger tower.
My lame excuse for not writing is that I've been a single parent; my husband has been in Raleigh (courtesy title for the sprawling metropolis of Smithfield, NC) during the week for the past 2 weeks. And that I've been extraordinarily busy at work (does this mean the recession is ending?) And that American Idol is on. (OK, I'm kidding about that one; I still haven't been able to get into a show that crams 6 minutes of content into 2 hours.)
But there's too much going on in the world right now to avoid cramming my opinions down other people's throats much longer.
For starters, I was correct, as was the National Enquirer! John Edwards did Father Rielle Hunter's child. I feel particularly validated in this, because, shortly after meeting him at a Bond Hill rally 2004, I told my cousin Kelsey, then an avid John Edwards fan, "that [insert unsavory term that ends in "bag" here] is definitely cheating on his wife." She assured me that no, he wasn't like that, and I maintained that he oozed that vibe, and we never spoke of it again until the news broke that he HAD cheated on her. I took Kelsey's Father's wedding to be a great venue to gleefully proclaim to her "I was right!" And now, he exclusively tells the today show that he's the father of Frances Quinn, not because it was eating away at him, but so he can break the story first.
2009 was quite the year for powerful men to cheat on their wives. Why do they do it? I've never been one to overanalyze the Male psyche. I tend to be the gal rolling her eyes as young women proclaim "well, he was just so overwhelmed by his feelings for me and got scared and ran away." Let's not go making Men any more complicated than Women. We're all less complex creatures than we'd like to believe.
Here's my condensed list of reasons why they do it:
1. Because lots of women out there want to have sex with them
2. Because some of these women are hot, and even though some are not, they seem to be very kinky and experienced with sex, probably more so than the sane, demure wives running their households and taking care of their children
3. Because it's fun to do what we're not supposed to do. Do powerful Men get the same rush from illicit sex that I get from jaywalking in front of the policemen on horses downtown? Possibly an even bigger rush? Wow! It's the same reason that this pilot says he doesn't get a lot of people using their real names on the certificate he issues those he helps to join the mile-high club and that a swingers club can thrive in traditionally conservative places, like suburban Cincinnati: the excitement one gets from breaking the rules is directly proportional to how firmly the rules are established. The more counter-cultural an activity is, the more fun.
I, for one, am going to spend some time being thankful that we live in a place where we can't be stoned or caned or violently beaten and thrown in jail for breaking most tenants of our moral code, assuming they don't directly harm others. But the problem is that they DO harm others. There are, of course, wives and children at stake. So while I can be glad that we aren't so barbaric that we stone men like Tiger and John Edwards for their transgressions, I am also glad that I have the free speech to publicly declare that what they do isn't acceptable, and that, at least in Tiger's case, I hope the wives take them for all they're worth.
And because we're so fortunate, and are constantly reminded of that, I want to put out my own plug to my local reader: if you haven't already done your part to help those who aren't so fortunate, and are looking for a non-scammy charity that will help the victims of the earthquake in Haiti, here's one:
Catholic Relief Services
Happy January, everyone. I promise to write you all again before Feb.
I apologize to my loyal reader, Joe, who has been hounding me about my lack of posts. Had I known I had a loyal reader, I assure you I would have continued to spew out content, no matter how trivial, to give you a better start to long days in the Kroger tower.
My lame excuse for not writing is that I've been a single parent; my husband has been in Raleigh (courtesy title for the sprawling metropolis of Smithfield, NC) during the week for the past 2 weeks. And that I've been extraordinarily busy at work (does this mean the recession is ending?) And that American Idol is on. (OK, I'm kidding about that one; I still haven't been able to get into a show that crams 6 minutes of content into 2 hours.)
But there's too much going on in the world right now to avoid cramming my opinions down other people's throats much longer.
For starters, I was correct, as was the National Enquirer! John Edwards did Father Rielle Hunter's child. I feel particularly validated in this, because, shortly after meeting him at a Bond Hill rally 2004, I told my cousin Kelsey, then an avid John Edwards fan, "that [insert unsavory term that ends in "bag" here] is definitely cheating on his wife." She assured me that no, he wasn't like that, and I maintained that he oozed that vibe, and we never spoke of it again until the news broke that he HAD cheated on her. I took Kelsey's Father's wedding to be a great venue to gleefully proclaim to her "I was right!" And now, he exclusively tells the today show that he's the father of Frances Quinn, not because it was eating away at him, but so he can break the story first.
2009 was quite the year for powerful men to cheat on their wives. Why do they do it? I've never been one to overanalyze the Male psyche. I tend to be the gal rolling her eyes as young women proclaim "well, he was just so overwhelmed by his feelings for me and got scared and ran away." Let's not go making Men any more complicated than Women. We're all less complex creatures than we'd like to believe.
Here's my condensed list of reasons why they do it:
1. Because lots of women out there want to have sex with them
2. Because some of these women are hot, and even though some are not, they seem to be very kinky and experienced with sex, probably more so than the sane, demure wives running their households and taking care of their children
3. Because it's fun to do what we're not supposed to do. Do powerful Men get the same rush from illicit sex that I get from jaywalking in front of the policemen on horses downtown? Possibly an even bigger rush? Wow! It's the same reason that this pilot says he doesn't get a lot of people using their real names on the certificate he issues those he helps to join the mile-high club and that a swingers club can thrive in traditionally conservative places, like suburban Cincinnati: the excitement one gets from breaking the rules is directly proportional to how firmly the rules are established. The more counter-cultural an activity is, the more fun.
I, for one, am going to spend some time being thankful that we live in a place where we can't be stoned or caned or violently beaten and thrown in jail for breaking most tenants of our moral code, assuming they don't directly harm others. But the problem is that they DO harm others. There are, of course, wives and children at stake. So while I can be glad that we aren't so barbaric that we stone men like Tiger and John Edwards for their transgressions, I am also glad that I have the free speech to publicly declare that what they do isn't acceptable, and that, at least in Tiger's case, I hope the wives take them for all they're worth.
And because we're so fortunate, and are constantly reminded of that, I want to put out my own plug to my local reader: if you haven't already done your part to help those who aren't so fortunate, and are looking for a non-scammy charity that will help the victims of the earthquake in Haiti, here's one:
Catholic Relief Services
Happy January, everyone. I promise to write you all again before Feb.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Waiting for the Soul-Crushing Guilt to Set In
Ahh, the holidays. A black hole in which I can honestly say I have no clue what I've done for the past 2 weeks of my life. They're fabulous, aren't they? And now, I am back to January, back to no major holidays, family events, parties, etc., which of course also means back to work!
Which of course means back to the problem I've been facing since I returned to work on Nov. 30th from my maternity leave: Why isn't this harder?
Over break, I read some Facebook status updates and posts from new Moms talking about tearfully dropping their children off and barely being able to make it through a workday without driving their childcare providers bonkers with calls, and my heart aches for them. Sympathy from veteran Moms who have been through this poured in, notes on how it WILL get easier, or how to deal with the intense feelings that accompany the inevitable day that Mom heads back into the workforce. And yet, though I sympathize, I don't commiserate. Getting back to work has been, for me, relatively uneventful.
All of this, in turn, leaves me feeling guilty. Here's my laundry list of items for which I should probably be doing penance:
- I rarely call my sitter during the day, and when I do, sometimes it's just to ask if she'd feed the cat or if she knows how to turn on the new TV
- I haven't yet actually cried when leaving the house for a workday
- Sometimes I go for long stretches at work without wondering what Maya's doing or if she's ok. I trust babysitter Jen, and assume she's always ok if I'm not getting a call!
- And while I'm confessing things, I haven't seen American Idol since the first season, I don't like Chipolte, and I let Maya take a lick of Saag Paneer at the Indian buffet last weekend.
I spent some time thinking about why the transition back to work has been a lot easier than I anticipated, and I did come up with some good rationalizations to assuage my guilt for the moment:
1. I didn't return to work until Maya was 16 weeks old. I remember thinking at 10 weeks that it was a point at which many women would have to be back and thinking about how NOT READY I was. It surprised me how un-ready I was at that point. Somewhere around 14 weeks, I decided I was ready.
2. I don't have to drop a kid off at a daycare center, watch her cry, etc. I just leave the house, knowing that the babysitter will have access to all of Maya's usual stuff, that she won't be around any germy kids, etc. Of course, I also have to worry that she isn't getting socialized, and I DO plan on sending her to a daycare facility once she's older, flu season is over, she can appreciate other kids, etc.
3. I have a pretty good gig. Right now, I'm only in the office on Mondays and Fridays (working at home Tues.-Thurs., though I plan to return to the office on Wednesdays by the end of this quarter), and my husband is home with Maya for 1/2 of the day on Friday. Knowing I'll be in the same building with her on Tuesday makes it easier for me to leave her on Monday, I'm sure. And, of course, it's not like I'm putting o-rings on widgets in a manufacturing facility. I'm doing something that I like.
4. Due to a combination said good gig and the holidays, I've only been back in the office a few times so far, thus leaving plenty of time for me to decide that it's not where I want to be.
Despite my rationalizations, I keep waiting for the ax to fall. When will the guilt set in? My entire basis for believing that the guilt WILL set in is a 30Rock episode in which Tracy decides to become Catholic, since Catholics can commit whatever sins they want provided they confess them. Alec Baldwin teaches him that being Catholic isn't all fun and games, especially once the soul-crushing guilt sets in.
And is it possible to feel guilty for not feeling guilty? I think that's where I am now. I'm fairly open about my reasons and motivations for working. I'm not going to try to convince people that I NEED to be working for income, lest we end up on the streets. Yes, I know that it's possible to get by on less. I know that I could sell my house in the city tomorrow for one that's twice the size and half the cost up in the suburbs or the exurbs. I know that I could stop shopping at Whole Foods and stock up on Kraft and Campbell's at Sam's Club. Or that we could stop eating out altogether (though honestly, we don't do it THAT often). Or take long weekends close to home instead of longer vacations in tropical climates or different cultures. Make no mistake, I'm not trying to argue that we CAN'T make it on one income. I'm just saying that I don't want to. Because all of those little lifestyle factors that my job finances are part of the life that I want for Maya. Because I enjoy my work and spending some time outside of the house during the day, and seeing my daughter's face light up the moment I walk in the door. Because (and this is the hardest to admit) I don't know any stay-at-home Moms and would feel weird in social situations when everyone is talking about their jobs and I didn't have anything to say.
At least I know that if (when?) the soul-crushing guilt DOES set in, there's a great support network of Moms I admire and trust out there dealing with the same thing. Here's to all of you who are making it work each day. Reading about how you deal with matters makes me believe that if and when the guilt does set it, I'll be able to overcome it.
Which of course means back to the problem I've been facing since I returned to work on Nov. 30th from my maternity leave: Why isn't this harder?
Over break, I read some Facebook status updates and posts from new Moms talking about tearfully dropping their children off and barely being able to make it through a workday without driving their childcare providers bonkers with calls, and my heart aches for them. Sympathy from veteran Moms who have been through this poured in, notes on how it WILL get easier, or how to deal with the intense feelings that accompany the inevitable day that Mom heads back into the workforce. And yet, though I sympathize, I don't commiserate. Getting back to work has been, for me, relatively uneventful.
All of this, in turn, leaves me feeling guilty. Here's my laundry list of items for which I should probably be doing penance:
- I rarely call my sitter during the day, and when I do, sometimes it's just to ask if she'd feed the cat or if she knows how to turn on the new TV
- I haven't yet actually cried when leaving the house for a workday
- Sometimes I go for long stretches at work without wondering what Maya's doing or if she's ok. I trust babysitter Jen, and assume she's always ok if I'm not getting a call!
- And while I'm confessing things, I haven't seen American Idol since the first season, I don't like Chipolte, and I let Maya take a lick of Saag Paneer at the Indian buffet last weekend.
I spent some time thinking about why the transition back to work has been a lot easier than I anticipated, and I did come up with some good rationalizations to assuage my guilt for the moment:
1. I didn't return to work until Maya was 16 weeks old. I remember thinking at 10 weeks that it was a point at which many women would have to be back and thinking about how NOT READY I was. It surprised me how un-ready I was at that point. Somewhere around 14 weeks, I decided I was ready.
2. I don't have to drop a kid off at a daycare center, watch her cry, etc. I just leave the house, knowing that the babysitter will have access to all of Maya's usual stuff, that she won't be around any germy kids, etc. Of course, I also have to worry that she isn't getting socialized, and I DO plan on sending her to a daycare facility once she's older, flu season is over, she can appreciate other kids, etc.
3. I have a pretty good gig. Right now, I'm only in the office on Mondays and Fridays (working at home Tues.-Thurs., though I plan to return to the office on Wednesdays by the end of this quarter), and my husband is home with Maya for 1/2 of the day on Friday. Knowing I'll be in the same building with her on Tuesday makes it easier for me to leave her on Monday, I'm sure. And, of course, it's not like I'm putting o-rings on widgets in a manufacturing facility. I'm doing something that I like.
4. Due to a combination said good gig and the holidays, I've only been back in the office a few times so far, thus leaving plenty of time for me to decide that it's not where I want to be.
Despite my rationalizations, I keep waiting for the ax to fall. When will the guilt set in? My entire basis for believing that the guilt WILL set in is a 30Rock episode in which Tracy decides to become Catholic, since Catholics can commit whatever sins they want provided they confess them. Alec Baldwin teaches him that being Catholic isn't all fun and games, especially once the soul-crushing guilt sets in.
And is it possible to feel guilty for not feeling guilty? I think that's where I am now. I'm fairly open about my reasons and motivations for working. I'm not going to try to convince people that I NEED to be working for income, lest we end up on the streets. Yes, I know that it's possible to get by on less. I know that I could sell my house in the city tomorrow for one that's twice the size and half the cost up in the suburbs or the exurbs. I know that I could stop shopping at Whole Foods and stock up on Kraft and Campbell's at Sam's Club. Or that we could stop eating out altogether (though honestly, we don't do it THAT often). Or take long weekends close to home instead of longer vacations in tropical climates or different cultures. Make no mistake, I'm not trying to argue that we CAN'T make it on one income. I'm just saying that I don't want to. Because all of those little lifestyle factors that my job finances are part of the life that I want for Maya. Because I enjoy my work and spending some time outside of the house during the day, and seeing my daughter's face light up the moment I walk in the door. Because (and this is the hardest to admit) I don't know any stay-at-home Moms and would feel weird in social situations when everyone is talking about their jobs and I didn't have anything to say.
At least I know that if (when?) the soul-crushing guilt DOES set in, there's a great support network of Moms I admire and trust out there dealing with the same thing. Here's to all of you who are making it work each day. Reading about how you deal with matters makes me believe that if and when the guilt does set it, I'll be able to overcome it.
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